A Long Walk

I pick up my things: cigar, cutter, lighter, sunglasses and cell phone. Everything is stowed away in my pockets and I begin to leave.

“ Where are you going?” Dad asks but I don’t quite hear what he says. He repeats himself and I explain I’m going for a walk down the beach, not taking the car, be back later. “Alright” he chuckles at my slight deafness and I walk out the front door. I start to meander down the dirt road towards the beach. It’s hot and humid but there’s just enough wind to keep me cool. I’ve got my sunglasses on, Wal-mart aviators with solid white frames. Blake helped me pick them out. A boy rides past me on a scooter. He can’t tell where my eyes are but maybe he’ll smile… never mind. I continue to walk and the wind picks up. I can hear the waves. A girl drives up in a giant truck and parks. It’s a Chevy I think. She steps down and walks by. She’s cute and quite tan. She’s wearing a colorful dress with all the shades of fire. I’m not sure she cares I’m here at all. I continue down towards the water. I finally reach the dock and my sandals are talking.

“Flip! Flop! Flip! Flop,” go figure.

There’s a family taking some pictures on the boardwalk , but the girls don’t seem into it.

“Stop crossing your arms! Put your arms down!” the father is trying to take a picture.

“You look like you’re scowling,” the mother is the prep team but isn’t doing a great job. The girls are probably too young to understand, not in the mood for pictures. I slip off my shoes and I go down into the sand and take the cigar out of my right pocket. It’s darker than I remember. I’ve had this one more than once. I take out my cutter and position it just right to cut without unraveling the leaves. Perfect. I take off the stickers one by one. First the one that says “Rocky Patel,” then the one that reads “Vintage 1992.” I love this cigar. I take out my lighter and begin to puff away to get it started. I can’t see the signature blue flame but I can hear it and I taste the smoke. It’s familiar. It’s lit and I start to stumble through the sand thinking where I’m going to go and how I’ll know when I’m back. What? I won’t get lost, there’s a huge flow of water from the ocean to an inlet that’s right beside our boardwalk. I start to make my way closer to the shore and I begin walking towards the west watching the sun go down. Another family is taking pictures in the classic white and khaki. They’re using piece of driftwood for scenery. How convenient. I wonder if they knew it was on fire just a few days ago from the fireworks on the 4^th. What does that mean?

I keep puffing away. I finally get to some more solid sand as I get closer to the water. There’s still seaweed everywhere but the rank, sour smell is gone. I see people relaxing. Kids are building sandcastles. Many are walking their dogs. There’s a miniature greyhound, a Shih Tzu. A group of pretty girls in bikinis is just ahead of me. What do I do? Why do I care? I try and act casual while I walk by smoking my cigar. Please acknowledge me…

I see a group of people gathered. There are chairs and one of those frames. What are they called? Something Jewish? Thanks Gilmore Girls. It must be a wedding but I see no bride or groom. Perhaps they’re coming. I ash the cigar. Tons more families are taking pictures. Black and khaki, white and khaki, all white, muted colors. It’s the gray spectrum… and khaki. So many memories for so many people are being made right at this moment. I wish I had someone with me. I can’t hear much because the waves are so loud. That’s alright. I dodge this way and that trying not to end up in too many pictures. There’s a good chance I’m in a few. Fun! I’m starting to sweat profusely, but I don’t mind. I feel wonderful. Usually I’m at least a little upset about something. I’m uncomfortable, or I want to pick a fight with some guy who looks like he needs it. That’s not the case today. Why would I be angry? Should I be? No. I ash some more and continue to puff away. About halfway there. A huge group notices me up ahead. They’re pointing at my cigar. It’s a big group of adults. What are they talking about? I don’t care. LSU fans.

I see tons of kids building sandcastles. They’re focused like they’re constructing the Eiffel tower. Attention to detail is key. Yet they’re having so much fun. I miss that. Am I not allowed to be a child anymore? Surely I can be sometimes. It’s hard. So many expectations. There’s a woman relaxing in a chair surrounded by children next to her husband. She’s pregnant, VERY pregnant. She sits and lets her tummy relax between her knees. She’s beautiful. She seems not to be worried about her round stomach, as if it’s no big deal. But I know she cares. She’s serene. I want to be a father someday. The cigar is half burnt away. I continue walking and find myself thinking about this very thing. I should write all of this down. It’s so vivid in my mind. This is unusual. I don’t always think this illustratively. There’s a song stuck in my head. I like it there.

“I wanted love, I needed love, most of all, most of all…” I sing it to myself just loud enough for me to hear. These are the only words I can think of right now. Probably the only words I know. They mean a lot to me. I wish someone were here. I’m getting periodic texts from friends. This keeps part of my brain occupied. The cigar has hit the sweet spot. My thoughts start to drift away. I see a father and son playing, and the father falls into the sand. His son laughs with joy and they begin to chase one another. How fun. The scenery is gorgeous. The sun is bright orange behind blue clouds and I take off my sunglasses. How far have I come? The scenes on the beach start to blur together and I notice the cigar is nearly gone. I stop altogether. I take a good look out into the sea. It’s endless and I can’t begin to comprehend it. I feel the heat of the cigar on my fingers. I bend down to put it out and the tide takes it away. It’s time to turn back and see what I find on the way home. Home? Not sure about that anymore. I see a parade of different SEC colors and tents I overlooked on the way. Vols. LSU. Florida. I want to say “War Damn Eagle!” but I keep that to myself. Up to this point no one has spoken a word to me I’m getting close to a big chubby guy about my age with bleach blonde hair and earrings. He gives me a nod.

“I love your beard man! I wish I could grow mine like that!” he strokes an imaginary beard on his face.

“Ha, thanks man, I appreciate it!” I’m laughing and smiling. That was cool. Don’t get that often from strangers but I really do appreciate it. I continue down the shore back east. I’ve been following two guys for a while now. They just notice me. They’re drinking and chatting about something. Still can’t hear. I see the bride and groom from what I thought was a wedding the first time around. The ceremony is over and they’re having pictures taken down by the ocean. He looks unhappy, sort of irritated. I hope he really loves her. Not that it’s likely he doesn’t. I hope not. What a huge step.

There’s a girl my age sitting and playing with some sand. She’s alone but she smiles when I approach. She’s wearing a peach top with a black bottom. I want to sit down and chat but I’m too afraid. Plus now I’m sweating even worse than I was before. The back of my neck is drenched. I wipe my hair up and out of my face. There’s a man with who’s enjoying the wind and ocean.

“How’s it going?”

“Great! How about yourself?”

“Just wonderful,” he tips his glass of wine to me. Everyone seems much friendlier on the way back. Maybe the sunglasses make me less approachable. I’m not sure. I hike up the beach and pass the older gentleman so they can now follow me. It’s only fair we both have a turn right? I’m still wishing some was here alongside me. I’m getting closer to the end. Maybe it’s the beginning. Still people are flooding the beach with bright outfits and cameras. It’s that time of day. I see a man walking with a golden retriever. No leash. The dog is very old. You can tell by the way it hobbles in the sand and the grey features in its face.

“Over here Maggie,” he tries to get her attention but she’s fascinated with the scenery. I love the name Maggie. I’m almost to the inlet. I see another couple that must have recently gotten married.

“Congratulations,” I want to say as I pass by but the words don’t come out. He’s dressed in some form of military outfit. They look incredibly happy together. Like they could talk to each other forever. This is brightening my day. Two photographers circle around them with cameras.

“I feel like Troy, I can’t focus,” he says this but I’m not sure what it means. I trudge through the last few yards of heavy, dry sand and end up back on the boardwalk with my sandals.

“Flip! Flop!” I’m realizing that it’s sort of funny now. I walk back down the long dirt road. A small car flies by me. Probably inches from knocking me over. I’m overflowing with thoughts. It’s getting dark. I walk in the front door.

“You look like you’ve been running,” my dad’s in a different spot from when I left. He’s closer to Mom. They’re watching Hitch. I love this movie.
“Nope it’s just very hot out there.” I was drenched at this point. I picked up my journal and dried myself off. Then I pulled out my pen and started writing this story. I am still wishing someone was here with me. Then I realized, you’ve been listening this whole time.

A Breath of Fresh Air

So lately I've been discovering lots of new things about myself and my relationships. It's been an especially hard last week just trying to readjust to the fact that I want God to be prominent in my life. But after a run in last night with some of my biggest fears I had to really take a good look at myself and instead of trying to control all of my problems I had to figure out how to find some peace. So I went to my journal which for me has been a book of anecdotes and views on the world simply as it were. I've never done this before, but I'm going to share with you the entry that I wrote very early this morning. So this is the first public "broadcast" of the journal of Marcus Clement.

"I have a crippling fear of being alone. I'm afraid that I will never find the girl I love who loves me back. Yet, I know God put us here together on purpose. He never intended for us to be alone. He put us here like this because he knew us and what we needed. He knew we'd need family, companionship, brotherhood, and love. That's exactly why we need him. And he knew that too. Your life is going to be a series of challenges that you must overcome. However, when you find yourself pouring your soul out to someone you love, all the dark stuff comes out with it too. Whether you realize it or not each and every one of us has an issue that we will spend the rest of our lives with. Hopefully we will use that time trying to beat those pains. But the greatest bit of all is that we don't have to do it alone. God gave us family, friends and spouses to encourage us and help us defeat the monsters that haunt us daily. But even better still is that he is also there with us every step of the way to guide us to peace. I want to share a verse with you that has become an instant inspiration to me in a dark time...
'The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.'
- Zephaniah 3:17
My mother shared this verse with me today and I will never forget its message. The part that sticks to me the most is 'he will quiet you by his love.' In times of hardship we cry, scream, mourn, whimper and sigh. But his love will quiet you. It takes away the sadness, anger, loss, stress, and worry. He takes all that away in exchange for a quiet moment of peace. Ladies and gents he does this for free. Don't pass up an opportunity like this in your life. Let him take your burdens away and make you whole. There's a wonderful bit of peace to be had."


Well I hope you all enjoyed that excerpt from my otherwise secret journal of thoughts and ideas. I hope to be sharing more and more stuff like this with you as time goes and I learn new things. I hope you folks have a wonderful day and just remember He loves you and so do I.

Man weren't meant to be alone,

Marcus C.

Back in the Saddle

Good evening all readers, I have missed you dearly (whoever you are). It's time that I pick the metaphorical pen (which is actually a keyboard) back up and begin to write witty things to keep you all thoroughly entertained.

To bring you up to speed since my last update, We've done a hundred billion more shows at the Auburn University Theatre. We finished doing 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, The Fantasticks and The Light in the PIazza. Those are just the shows that I personally took part in. Now we're currently working on "90-Minute Butchered RockandRoll Boombox Hamlet"! That's right we have completely taken a Guy Ritchie (bloody) look into the world of the Danish prince and we're gonna rock the audience beyond all belief. The process is long and grueling but we're finding some amazing moments with each other. We open the experience on April 12th and will run until the 16th. I hope to see you there.


On to lighter matters, you see my lovely friend David Farris just being all glorious and beautiful up there. Well Just this last week He proposed to my other good friend Jordyn Culbreth at Disney World! I'm very excited about these lovely people getting together to tie the knot at last. We have no idea when they're going to do it exactly but you can be guaranteed I will be there to see this wondrous event. Make sure to congratulate them as soon as possible!

Let me know if you want to see this more and I will try to keep you up to date on the things happening in my life and hopefully some wonderful reviews of movies or fun facts... Who knows?

I like (love) parenthesis,
Marcus C.

Right Smack in the Middle of Anthropology

Good evening everyone and welcome back to the blog again. A lot has come to pass in the last couple of weeks since we last met. School has started and everything for the semester has been set into motion and there's nothing to stop it. Me and the infamous John T. are now roommates and I couldn't have made a better decision of late. Also, my 21st birthday is coming up and I am filled with joyous celebration in so many ways. I don't expect any gifts from you chums, but I do expect at least a good birthday wish and maybe even a piece of advice for growing older.

I have to put in a plug for a movie like I always do because I was so pleased with it. Inglorious Basterds is one of those must-see movies of the year and if you think you are just going to get a bunch of mindless action and gore... think again. Not only will you get a bit of that, you'll see a wonderful addition to Tarantino's archive of kick-ass movies. Brad Pitt stars along with a wonderful cast of players who you may or may not know: Eli Roth, Christopher Waltz, Diane Kruger, and the lovely Melanie Laurent. Like many Quentin Tarantino movies you get a sort of film that not many others will try. You have enormous scenes with so much dialogue that actually pulls you into the fray without much effort. With this film you get a sort of Modern/Western/Indie approach to a WWII era with his typical long silent pauses, awkward dialogue, intense character intros, and a cast of players that will allow you to become consumed with even the shortest words. For anyone who loves a good Tarantino film like Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, or Sin City, you will just as easily settle into this flick as all the others.

This semester I have already gone through the beginning audition process and have not been cast in any shows so far this half. It's a tough thing to work really hard with monologues and callback auditions to try and convince the director that you are perfect for the part. This is not an easy feat to accomplish as many of you may very well know or have experienced. It's a tough world within this walls never mind all the extreme competitiveness. It gets quite hostile during weeks like this and I can't help but think we need to slow down a bit. I know there's a lot of work surrounding us at all times and a boat load of expectations that scare us into a corner. But let us all remember how we all have our problems and projecting hateful attitudes on others doesn't really create that positive environment we need. This applies to everyone. Stop being such a douche for the love of god and start conjuring up a glorious good mood to rub off on everyone else.

I've been chewed out before,
Marcus C.

I was made for a different era

Good morning sports fans. I know you've probably been awake for awhile, but I'm a college student and most of you can understand this. It's been a good couple of weeks filled with school and vacationing to the beach. All I can say currently is that it's the weekend and thank God, but I've woken up with a terrible headache and everything is very loud. So besides the fact that I feel as though my writing sounds retarded and boring, we'll keep going with this.

I heard about and recently ran across an article on digg about a documentary coming out with Jack White, Jimmy Page, and the U2 guitarist. It's essentially a history of the electric guitar mixed in with what these guys are doing with theirs. I'm excited to see what's going to happen when these 3 get in a room together with all that genius and tear it up.



I also saw an article on digg about a lady in some foreign country that married her dog. Of course the page was filled with comments of people making fun of her and calling her names. She said that "other men are skirt-chasers, cheaters and liars", but her dog was loyal and respected her. The priest, along with a few curious locals were there to witness this unusual pairing of beings. The priest said not discourage her, because she found true happiness at last and why would you want to take that away from her? Pushing aside the fact that this is a bit unorthodox, the reality is that she has every right to be happy. There are too many terrible things in this world and sometimes the only thing left that will not disappoint us is the thing that makes the least sense. I feel like to the normal everyday person that believes in God but doesn't necessarily follow him, following him would seem like it makes no sense. Well isn't it so simple to drift day to day relying on yourself and your relationship with others. Of course! But where can we find out true happiness? Who the hell has the answers when all of this becomes monotonous and drains your happiness instead of filling it? I believe God has that happiness. Why would you take that happiness away from someone? Or for that matter if you had that happiness, why would you use hatred to spread that message? Some people are just too much. So think about that... love, happiness, and all. And when you really give that a thought... get back to me.

They call you Lady Luck,
Marcus C.

Oi! Put your bathing suit on Daisy!

Vacation slowly approaches and I feel as though I have the opportunity to be more free. Who doesn't love a good heaping helping of freedom? I'm not talking about your American freedom, but the simple freedoms we have to travel the world and experience relaxation. My freedoms can be found at the beach, which I should be at shortly... thank God.

I just finished watching the Last Samurai, and feeling inspired I turn to my blog while listening to a little Artie Shaw to keep me in good spirits. School is going well, and in fact English was cancelled today and I don't have class this or next Friday. It's really a blissful thing to behold. Unfortunately I need to come up with a rough draft of my 2nd paper for Monday. I'm writing on the problem of the failing automotive industry and what solutions are appropriate to benefit the nation. This paper is pretty much identical to the first one... oh joy. I haven't a problem with writing papers besides the fact that in the real world, the skills I'm not really learning are not really applicable. I can't imagine myself 5 years from now saying, "Oh thank God I know MLA format! Where would I be without it?" If that ever happens, I'm either drunk or sarcasm is BLAZING from my mouth. Either way, I gotta write a paper and so it will get done sometime before I have to turn it in.

Don't be ashamed of yourself for being human. Imperfection comes with the package deal. That's just the way it works, and I say it's more fun that way. Making mistakes will happen in the process, it's not like we just want to fail. I mean come on, even Hitler had good intentions and didn't want to fail. That's a blunt example, but the truth is we are all bound to be confused at what happens. We will be struck dumb and everyone will see our vulnerability for a matter of minutes. In those moments where it's truly lighthearted, just let it happen and take a laugh at yourself for being awkward. Expect nothing and you can never truly be disappointed. And maybe you will even make less mistakes because of it. Still... who knows? And that's the beauty of it!

p.s. HBO has announced Band of Brothers 'The Pacific' said to be out around March 2010. I'm really freaking excited about this and you should be too. It looks just as astounding as before.

My British accent IS real,

Marcus C.

Landmines....approach them slowly

I've managed to keep quiet for a week or so, cause I keep forgetting my camera everywhere we go. And how much more fun is an entry with a pic right? But it's the decision to not be lazy and update some folks on what's been going on.

Exam 1 for History, and paper 1 for English are on Wednesday, oh boy! But I have to say with all of the desire to stay in bed I have managed to go to every class but 1 and this will be a good way for me to be on a good track for next semester. This whole thing for me has to turn around in good fashion or I just won't have the motivation. Luckily I have my good buddies down here to lower the stress levels (most of the time) so I can deal with the early mornings and bombardment of information. So I can say that so far I'm doing great, but we'll have to check back in once I get my test/paper results *crosses fingers*. I can't wait for the day I can look back and pat myself on the back and say "Good form old man, good form".

I'm currently sitting out on the porch with a Trinidad cigar listening to Fitzgerald, Sinatra, Crosby, and Cole. It's pure bliss as always sitting out in the humid air with the thick leathery smoke, and a jones soda on the side to quench my thirst. The lightning is striking periodically and silently every so often. "Baby it's Cold Outside" is on the Pandora radio. I wish everyone were here to discuss God, Girls, and Games. Which I have now dubbed the 3 G's... sweet.

There's something about finding that solace in friends, that really allows you to relax and forget about the real world. It's nice to get away sometimes and really.... REALLY talk deeply about all the secrets and inhibitions you have. Our schedules often get hectic and we don't allow ourselves to break from the daily grind. While that's ok to really get to work and nail it, we still eventually need time to gather and fellowship. Get together and go out and eat a big dinner and don't ever once think of being in a hurry, which is another thing about this culture I wish could change. We have this idea that we must get in, sit down, eat, and leave. One of the best places to converse and exchange is at the dinner table. Why would we shorten that? I will write about it in the journal don't worry. But do these things, go sit outside and enjoy the world away from the internet with a cigar and talk of the old days. Maybe cigars aren't your thing, but maybe wine is. Maybe you want a coke and some pretzels. Do yourself a favor and do these things for yourself. Grab a friend or two and relax. No one will look down on you for it if you decide it's what will tickle your fancy. If they do, give em the finger! (just make sure it's not your mother or something)

Four fingers... that'd wake me up,
Marcus C.